A major part of what makes therapy effective is the relationship between you and your therapist. Finding the ‘right’ therapist is all about finding a therapist who is a good fit for you and what you need. There are several things to consider both before and after the first session that will help determine whether a therapist is a good fit for you.
Before the first session
Clarify what you need
The very first step in the process of finding a therapist is to get clear on 5 important questions that you can ask and note down for yourself. Writing them down gives you something concrete to refer back to as you navigate this process.
What are you hoping to work on through therapy?
Why now?
If you have had therapy before, what do you know about what worked and what did not work for you?
What are some things you expect from your therapist/therapy sessions?
What questions do you have for your therapist?
Research therapists
A good place to start can be to ask trusted friends and family members if they have any therapists they recommend. Recommendations from people you know is often helpful because they can tell you their first-hand experience about the therapist and what their experience is of the sessions. Armed with those names, you will also want to visit the therapists’ websites to read about their profile which will often tell you all about their education background, therapeutic approach, and the areas that they specialise in (for example whether they work with individuals, couples, or families and the specific topics within mental health they focus on e.g. relationship issues, depression, or anxiety).
Another starting point is through directories such as Psychology Today or Psychology Matters Asia which will have listings of therapists in your area.
Therapeutic approach
Different therapists will have different approaches and clinical styles. Some common approaches are Cognitive therapies (e.g. Cognitive behavioural therapy/CBT, Dialectical behavior therapy/DBT, Acceptance Commitment Therapy/ACT) which focus on addressing thinking patterns and how it can affect the way you feel and behave in life. Other approaches include psychodynamic or psychoanalytical therapy where the focus is on a person’s unconscious and the historical roots of the individual; humanistic or existential therapy which emphasise the individual as a whole and their ability to reach their full potential to grow and self-actualise in life. Many therapists use a combination of different approaches and would describe themselves as having an eclectic or mixed-approach to psychotherapy.
It can often be helpful to ask your therapist to tell you a bit more about their approach and if it is suited to your preferences as well as the specific issues you want to work on.
Financing and fees
It is important that therapy is economically sustainable and does not add additional financial stress to you. Being able to maintain some regularity and consistency with sessions over a 2-3 months is usually a good approximation of how much to budget towards. So in addition to asking what the fee per session is, you may also want to ask therapists whether they take insurance or have a sliding scale fee.
You may also want to find out exactly what your insurance can cover when it comes to outpatient counselling or therapy. This includes the coverage per session as well as how many sessions can be covered.
After the first session
Once you have had the first session, you will be able to reflect and gauge whether things were a ‘good fit’ between you and the therapist. Importantly, this will involve whether you felt it was comfortable and safe for you to talk openly and honestly. Feeling that whatever you said was truly heard without judgement or criticism is a big part of this. Was the therapist able to reflect back to you what you said accurately? And if the therapist misunderstood you, did you feel comfortable to re-explain yourself and were they able to clarify and make further attempts to understand you?
During the session, did it feel like you were able to say what you needed to say without being interrupted or feeling as if the therapist was doing more of the talking than you? Ultimately, there is no 'right’ amount of time that each of you should be talking but it is important to feel that for the most part, the time spent in sessions is for you to express or process instead of either being told what to do or allowed to go around in circles or off on a tangent without being brought back to your goals in therapy. You want to be listened to in therapy but also challenged to make whatever shifts or changes you are there to make.
Was your therapist able to answer any questions you had? It’s important that you feel a therapist is able to be honest and upfront with you as well. Their assurances about confidentiality, any billing queries, ethical issues, or any questions you have about the way they practice therapy should be addressed as early as possible. It is also important that they are aware that questions may arise along the way and be open to discussing them as a matter of course. Feeling that you are always able to ask questions or clarify any concerns you have is key to the process.
Ultimately, therapy is a collaborative effort between you and your therapist. Feeling that you have the space to explore the issues at hand, that your therapist is attuned to you and can hold up a mirror to reflect yourself back to you while being supported as you do the therapeutic work is the foundation of a good therapeutic relationship and effective therapy.